


To Be Human

by Dreaming_in_Circles



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Drabble, Kirk has angst, Self-Reflection, Spock is a good friend, Written for a grade, Yay for the fandoms!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-02
Updated: 2014-04-02
Packaged: 2018-01-17 22:35:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1405021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreaming_in_Circles/pseuds/Dreaming_in_Circles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After their conversation, Kirk wasn't sure what to think of John Harrison. Two hours later, he didn't know what to think about himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Be Human

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is actually beta'd, by none other than my AP Language and Composition teacher, because I wrote this as an essay for that class. Let me repeat that: I wrote fanfiction for a grade in an advanced English class. Best. Assignment. Ever.

1100 Hours

            After their conversation, Kirk wasn’t sure what to think of John Harrison. He hated the man, of course. How could he not? But Harrison was also right; Kirk knew that he couldn’t have just killed Harrison, no matter how heinous the crime. That would just be wrong. It had been his rage immediately after the death of Admiral Pike that had motivated those feelings, but the trip to Kronos had cooled them off some, had given him time to really think about what he was doing.

            Knowing that about Kirk, the captain supposed it would not be a far stretch for Harrison to think Kirk cared about his crew. Despite that logic, it still sent shivers down Kirk’s spine to think how much Harrison had guessed about him so quickly, and such a defining thing, too. He would do anything to keep his crew safe, as he’d proven over and over again, the latest being Nibiru.

            He didn’t know why Harrison would trust him, though. Just because a person was moral and had a conscience didn’t mean they would run around listening to murderers. And yet, what was he doing? Running around, listening to murderers. But Harrison had only surrendered to them after hearing how many torpedoes they had. It had nothing to do with their ability to subdue him, and Kirk was confident Harrison could have survived any torpedo attack if it had ever come, which it very well may not have. Sulu was unlikely to have chosen to launch them even after the landing party had been killed, and Harrison could have very well have called his bluff.

            Considering all the insight Harrison had into Kirk, figuring Sulu out also didn’t seem too unreasonable.

            So, for all his bluster and hatred, he had to hand it to Harrison. The man was clearly smart. But where did that leave Kirk, and how he felt about the man? He didn’t know. He would always hate Harrison, but there was clearly something else going on, and if someone else was committing some crime that had led to this series of events, Kirk would be damned if he didn’t catch that man.

1300 Hours

            It really was a change in perspective, to see so much of himself reflected in Harrison, no, _Khan_. His loyalty to his crew. His rage. His drive. His confidence.

            It gave Kirk a completely new insight to himself. He could appreciate what Khan felt against Marcus: the frustration of being lied to and used, the rage at believing those you cared about where dead. Those were all things he was currently feeling, all directed, like Khan, at Marcus. To think that a Starfleet admiral would do those things amazed him, and Kirk considered him responsible – at least partially – for the death of Admiral Pike, for he drove Khan to this.

            Kirk still hated Khan with a passion, but now he’d found that other criminal, the other person responsible, and he would bring them both to justice before this was over.

            But right now, as every step Kirk took brought him closer and closer to the bridge and to a confrontation with Marcus, he wasn’t sure what to say. It would be unwise to inform Marcus of what Khan had told them, and yet… part of him really wanted to know what Marcus would say. But he had to say it subtly.

            Moving Khan to the MedBay was only logical; if Marcus really was behind this, Kirk didn’t want the admiral beaming their only proof away to never be seen again. Kirk was taking a big risk, playing these cards, but did he have much of a choice?

            Another similarity between them, Kirk realized uncomfortably; they were both between a rock and a hard place. They were in bad places faced with poor choices and neither of them were afraid of taking a risk.

            Kirk snorted and shook his head in dry amusement. It was almost scary, how similar they were. And yet, they were different, too, weren’t they? Their… limits, their boundaries, their _morals_ were what set them apart. Kirk had wanted to kill Khan, but hadn’t. Khan had wanted to kill Marcus, and shot up a room full of Starfleet admirals to do it. That was what set them apart.

            Kirk nodded silently to himself, securing the knowledge that they were not the same in his mind. That was when he noticed Spock watching him with one of his famous frowns.

            “Just thinking, Spock. The loyalty Khan has to his crew is comparable to the loyalty I feel to my own.” Kirk shrugged. “It just got me thinking: how far will I go?”

            “You do not compare to Khan, Captain.” Spock responded smoothly. “His training and upbringing as a warrior has caused him to be far more violent than you would ever consider. You are not a murderer, nor, as you’ve proven, prone to revenge. You do not have to fear that you would someday fall into the same hole Khan is stuck in.”

            Kirk smiled at his first officer as the turbolift slowed to a halt. “Thanks Spock.” That was exactly what I needed to hear. Spock nodded and Kirk turned to face the door as it opened, prepared to deal with whatever life could throw at them, secure in Spock’s logic.


End file.
